“It all started last week when I was boiling my toe nails to prevent the witch who lives next door from stealing my soul. Next thing you know I start picking up a conversation God’s having with one his buddies on my magic radio. Carrying on about how I’m a bad tipper and how if we ever got into a fight I wouldn’t stand a chance. I was so angry I almost spilled my urine shake." Mr Garcia angrily admitted as he poured out a newly opened gallon of milk purchased from the shifty eyed arab man at the corner market. Problems began early last year when Garcia unintentionally stood God up at the Loews Garden Cinema 7-13.
“We were supposed to watch Spider Man 2 and then go get some ice cream but my car broke down and I couldn’t make it. I paid him back for the ticket but you know how God is about holding grudges.” Mr. Garcia sited human kinds expulsion from paradise as an example of God’s unwillingness to forgive and forget.
“He thinks I don’t know that he joined forces with the government to kill me but I do and believe me I’m ready!"
As an extra precaution Mr. Garcia plans to double up on his urine shakes and sleep under the kitchen sink for the rest of the year.
“God’s not the only one who sees all and hears all,” he said, shaking a fist and deciphering the latest super secret government code located within the directions on the back of his oven cleaner spray can.
